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I'm still here, but the Rapture took my cable modem

May 21, 2011   [permalink]

Unless none of you are out there and I'm alone in some sort of solipsistic universe, it appears the Rapture got my cable modem. At least, it isn't working now and it was before the Appointed Hour.

I called Comcast, and the phone tech -- whose name sounded like Gupta -- I guess the Rapture left them alone in India too -- was somewhat confused at what could be happening. If you've watched Outsourced, yes, I think this was _that_ Gupta. Gupta apologized, and said what a great inconvience this must be for me. Gupta had me unplug the cable modem (for the fifth time) and -- oh yes, unplug it _at the wall_ and not at the modem.

Really? The electrons can hide inside the cable modem if I unplug it at the modem and not at the wall? That's why the lights come on but it doesn't sync up with the head end?

It was clearly a network connectivity problem, possibly the cable modem went up to the great cable modem equipment closet in the sky, or as has happened many times, the connector comes unscrewed down in the equipment box in the neighbor's yard.

So, having failed to coax the Internet electrons to flow from the wall any more than from the back of the modem, it was time to Set Up An Appointment.

Could I verify my Comcast account number, for security purposes? Well, I could, if I could log into my Comcast account to get it. (Note here about the benefits of paper bills.) Oh, says Gupta, I'm terribly sorry about that. That must be a great inconvenience for you. (For the 10th time.) Can you tell me the exact amount of your last bill payment? Well, I could, if I could log into my online billpay site at the bank. Oh, I'm terribly sorry about that. It must be a great inconvenience to you, Gupta says. But I am not able to set up an appointment without security verification.

Bear in mind, Gupta has already agreed that he can't communicate with the cable modem at my service address on record in their system, and I've given them the phone number on record as well.

Well, Gupta says, I could get in very big trouble for this, but I will make an exception for you this one time, and set up an appointment.

Wow, thanks so much for doing me a huge favor! Your service is out and you'll make an exception to try to fix it. I'm so honored! My lucky day! (Or not, as I'm still here and not up in heaven with the Raptured. If I remember my Book of Revelation, those who stay behind are in for some pretty rough weather.)

After setting a time for a technician to come out, Gupta then asks me if I would like to save money on my Comcast bill, by moving my _phone service_ to Comcast!

Think how wonderful for Comcast, what a big honor they would be doing me, since then when my connection goes out I wouldn't even be able to call them to tell them about it!

Gupta was very sorry to hear about that and apologetic for the inconvenience that would cause.

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